The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

In this book Gary chapman reveals how that different  people express love in different  ways and he classified  them into five categories
1:Quality  time
2;words of affirmation
3:Gifts
4:Acts of service
5:Physical  touch

Let's take a look at them one after the other

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

Words of affirmation are words that build someone up. If this is your primary love language, it means the world to you when you receive unsolicited compliments, hear the words “I love you” and the reasons behind that love. Insults can break your heart and leave lasting scars.

QUALITY TIME

If this is your primary language, you deeply value doing things together and receiving full, undivided attention from your spouse, including sharing quality conversations and activities. Distractions, postponed dates, or not being listened to can be especially hurtful to you. In the book, Dr Chapman shares tips on how to enjoy quality conversations (especially if this is your spouse’s primary love language but not yours), and  make time for quality activities.

RECEIVING GIFTS

If this is your primary language, you deeply treasure a gift or gesture that shows you are being thought of, cared for, and prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring you the gift. Gifts are visual symbols of love. You feel hurt by the absence of daily gestures, a missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty/ thoughtless gift.

The value of the gift is often less important than the significance of the gift. If you are not intuitive at giving gifts but your spouse’s primary language is receiving gifts, you can start by making a list of all the gifts that your spouses has been excited about – this will give you an idea of what gifts he/she appreciates.

ACT OF SERVICE

If this is your primary love language, you feel loved when your spouse says “let me do that for you”, and helps to ease your burdens or share your responsibilities e.g. cooking a meal, washing the car. Broken commitments, unwillingness to help, laziness/ sloppiness, or taking your spouse for granted, all send the message that your spouse doesn’t matter.
Even if you and your spouse share the same primary love language of Acts of Service, you make speak different “dialects” or value different types of support being rendered (e.g. she may prefer that you wash the dishes while you may prefer that she irons your clothes). Try asking your spouse to list down the tasks that he/she considers most important, and do them.

PHYSICAL  TOUCH

Physical touch can bring a sense of security and connection to any relationship. If this is your primary love language, you crave shows of care and love through his thoughtful touches, hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and/ or sexual intercourse. Neglect or abuse can cause serious damage and hurt to you emotionally.
Like other love languages, there are different dialects in physical touch, such as loving touches on the arm/ back/ shoulders, a back rub, sexual foreplay and intercourse, sitting closely on the couch, holding hands etc.

Even if you share the same love language of physical touch, don’t assume he/she speaks the same dialect as you.

This book is based on the premise that everyone has a "love language". Things others say or do that make one feel "loved"
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love that’s the challenge! How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life?

In conclusion
It is very possible for couples to love each other, but to feel unloved because they give and receive love differently, i.e. they don’t share the same primary emotional  love language.

Your first step to discovering yours today is by reading this book and then carrying  out the test to know your love language  and that of your spouse.

Reviewed by Edobor Faith.