HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE by dale carnegie

The book was published in the year 1936 and has been revised a couple of times after then. This book was inspired during one of Dale's courses in which he trained those in corporate firms and those in business. His courses revolved around self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills.

Alright, so this is not one of those books on how to control people and make them do what you want or dance to your tune. Not exactly! So what is it really about? You may ask. Let's find out. The central idea or theme of the book is to build and improve human relations. It is actually a self-help or self-improvement book. This means it gives you helpful tips on how you can become better. So this book is geared towards helping you improve your relationship with people you work with, live with and those you come across on a regular basis.

The book is divided into four(4) parts and each part has its own sub-chapters and principles. This might seem broad and a little overwhelming but if taken bit by bit, understanding is guaranteed because the principles are intertwined and self-explanatory. We'll focus more on the principles contained in every chapter in every part. I hope that we understand. More like the poem, "Key to the Kingdom" where you have one thing inside another.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Principle 1: *Don't Criticise, Condemn or Complain*
People become rather defensive than admit their wrongs when you do these three things. Instead of doing the above, try to understand and figure out why they do what they do.

Principle 2: *Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation*
This was referred to as the big secret in dealing with people. It is because people are at their best when they feel appreciated. Appreciating someone will yield more result than condemning them, so be lavish in your praise. It's important to note that there is a difference between appreciation and flattering. The former is birthed from sincerity while the latter isn't. So when next you say to someone, 'your shoe is fine', make sure you mean it.

Principle 3: *Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want*
When you have a great idea, it is wise to make get people feel they are part of it by making it look like their idea. We must put our own perspective aside and begin to see things from the point of view of others.


Part 2: Six Ways To Make People Like You
Note that this does not mean you should go around trying to please people or impress them at all cost. No! These are just natural ways you could get more people work with you better and feel comfortable around you.

Principle 1: *Become Genuinely Interested in Other People*.
People are only attracted to those that are really interested in them. The only way to make quality, lasting friendships is to learn to be genuinely interested in them and their interests.

Principle 2: *Smile*
An ancient Chinese proverb says, 'a man without a smiling face must not open a shop.'
That's how serious a smile is. You could draw more customers by just smiling and guess what, it's free of charge. Smiles are free to give and have an amazing ability to make others feel wonderful. Smile in everything that you do.

Principle 3: *Remember that a Person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language*
You might need to note this, "the average person is more interested in their own name than in all the other names in the world put together." We can make people feel extremely valued and important by remembering their names.

Principle 4: *Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves*
If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, you might want to start by being an attentive listener. To be a good listener, we must actually care about what people have to say. Ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

Principle 5: *Talk in terms of the other person's interest*
Make people feel you are on their side and you are interested in what they are interested in. You have to be really sincere about this. If we talk to people about what they are interested in, they will feel valued and value us in return.

Principle 6: *Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely*
Here the golden rule is applied, 'treat other people how you would like to be treated.' Everyone loves to feel important and talk about themselves. So if you want people to like you, make them talk about themselves.


Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Principle 1: *The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it*
You can't convince anyone out of their will. You may be dead right about it as you speed along in your argument but as far as changing another person's mind, you may just be wrong.

Principle 2: *Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're wrong."*
Try not to tell someone bluntly that they are wrong, even if they are, they will become defensive. So apply some diplomacy.

Principle 3: *If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically*
There is no need trying to defend yourself when you are wrong. Simply admit it and this will win more people to your side.

Principle 4: *Begin in a friendly way*
"A drop of honey can catch more flies than a gallon of gall." If you begin your interactions with others in a friendly way, people will be more receptive. Even if you are greatly upset, you must be friendly to influence people to your way of thinking.

Principle 5: *Start with questions to which the other person will answer 'yes'*

Principle 6: *Let the other person do a great deal of the talking*.

Principle 7: *Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers*.

Principle 8: *Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view*


Principle 9: *Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires*
People long for sympathy. They want us to recognize all that they desire and feel. If we can sympathize with others, they will appreciate our side as well and will often come around to our way of thinking.

Principle 10: *Appeal to the nobler motives*
People want to look good and believe that they do things for noble and morally upright reasons. If we can appeal to others' noble motives we can successfully convince them to follow our ideas.

Principle 11: *Dramatize your ideas*
Simply stating a truth isn't enough. The truth must be made vivid, interesting and dramatic.

Principle 12: *Throw down a challenge*
This is more like put something on the stack which will make people look forward to doing what you want.
Lastly;

Part 4: Be a Leader: How to change people without giving offence or arousing resentment.
The following principles will help you become a better team leader and get people on your side:

Principle 1: *Begin with praise and honest appreciation*

Principle 2: *Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly*

Principle 3: *Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person*

Principle 4: *Ask questions instead of giving direct orders*

Principle 5: *Let the other person save face*

Principle 6: *Praise every improvement*

Principle 7: *Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to*

Principle 8: *Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct*

Principle 9: *Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest*.

Okay, so that's it. Hopefully, if you follow the principles, you would be able to influence others and win more friends both in formal and informal establishments.



Book Reviewed by Jennifer Chioma Amadi